Let's start the journey…

I’ve been having a very rough week, hence the nonexistence of posts. I was moved to a different store starting monday and it feels like it has been the longest week of my life. That store is so busy and my feet hurt 10 times worse standing for 10 hours than it did at my old store standing for 13 hours. I don’t know if I will be able to handle this until the beginning of 2011 (which is when I’m slated to move back to my old store). It also makes it a lot harder when all of the customers are unnecessarily rude. They act as if you should be handing their prescriptions to them on a silver platter and then wiping their ass for them. It irks me. The neighborhood I’m in now is middle class, so none of those millionaire “do you know who I am” kind of people. I don’t get it. Why??

We had our fair share of mean and rude customers at my old store but our rudest are a ton nicer than the usual customer here. They make my job even harder. At my old store I would go to work, try my best, actually care about my patients and always try to make sure I was up to date on what was going on with their health. But here, I go in, do my job, and leave. I don’t care about them after that. I don’t care about them period. And this increased stress level of being at this new store is wrecking havoc on my eating habits too. My diet this week has sucked (partly due to passover since matzah is nothing but carbs). I did weigh myself yesterday and saw 193lbs. Not horrible but my small, short-term goal right now is to be under 190lbs. I wanna feel accomplished like they do on The Biggest Loser. I wanna feel that same elation they get when they lose all that weight. Minus the whole super hard-ass trainer and stringent diet.

I really just need some time to relax. Just lay in a nice bubble bath with candle and soft music playing as I close my eyes and imagine a world where everybody is nice and considerate. Yeah, right.


{March 25, 2010}   Change is always slow

I finally bought a scale the other day at work. I realized that if I couldn’t measure my success (or failure) I wouldn’t know how to adjust my lifestyle modifications. Official weight as of yesterday is 194.2lbs which is already 5lbs less than the last time I weighed myself on a scale (3 months ago??). Unfortunately, I have no idea whether this weight was lost in 3 months just because or from the diet I have been following this week. So from now on I will be able to track everything and see how my results stack up.

It’s a shame that the end of everybody’s work week is the beginning of mine (at least this week). Working through the weekend is going to suck and also be not so good for my diet. I have a very difficult time trying to plan ALL of my meals the night before for my 13 hours shift. Working in a chain drug store doesn’t help because we have so many unhealthy goodies just at the reach of a hand. Cookies, candy, frozen pizzas…you name it. This is also why I have gained so much weight over the years. My job leaves me no time to eat and when I do I grab what’s convenient ie. what we sell on the shelf.

I need to start adding decent exercise into my routine. We have a $3000 elliptical in the basement which I have used twice. That’s despite me begging and pleading with the hubby that I really needed it because I hated going to a gym and would use it everyday. It was my birthday present in January. I have used it twice. We spent half of our homeowners refund on it and now I feel guilty that we let that money go to waste. So I am making a pact to actually use it no matter how lazy I feel. I need to get my money’s worth out of it not to mention lose some weight.

Ugh. I did mostly okay with my new diet today. I was eating every 2.5 hours or so and making sure that I had no more than 2 servings of carbs and at least 2 servings of proteins at each meal. Everything was going great; until work that is. I came in at 3pm, had my 4pm mini-meal of 1 1/2 cup of lentil soup, then at 6pm had my dinner which was a Smart Ones frozen meal. All of a sudden I had the hugest craving for chocolate. I knew I had a stash of Pepperidge Farm double chocolate milano cookies in the drawer. They were calling to me so loud. I ate half of the package. :-( To make matters worse is I felt so horrible afterwards. I felt so bloated and just sick to my stomach. Normally eating half a package would make me very happy; a sugar high of sheer chocolatey bliss. This time it was different.

I kind of felt like those Biggest Loser contestants when they go through their transformations and learn good diet skills then are forced to eat something bad for a challenge and realize how sick that sugary snack makes them feel. Maybe that’s a good sign that I felt that way about my bad snack. Sweets are my ultimate weakness and knowing that I felt horrible after eating it may signal hope for a change in me. I also realized today that we don’t own a scale; not that I didn’t know beforehand but it just kind of dawned on me. How am I supposed to track my progress without a scale? I almost grabbed a $60 scale at work that also did your BMI and body fat percentage but felt that even for all the bells and whistles that was pricey. I should really buy one though, maybe Walmart will be a better bet.

{March 21, 2010}   sleepy sunday

So when I said that this diet seemed simple; I was wrong. Apparently, after surveying my kitchen, I found that almost every single food that I have in my house is a carb. The whole idea of this diet is to balance 2 servings of carbs with 2 servings of proteins and to not have more than 2 servings of carbs at each meal. Ha! I had the hardest time finding what to eat the last 2 days. I guess I should’ve prepared a bit more before starting.

Today is such a beautiful spring day and after so many months of horrible weather it was a nice change of pace. The hubby and I went out for a 45 minute walk around the neighborhood around noon. I was exhausted and have been battling a horrible headache since breakfast. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t eaten that much today and my blood sugars are dropping or just a bad headache but man am I miserable. I ended up taking a short nap by accident while the hubby was playing video games. I curled around him to watch, next thing I know an hour has passed and I was just waking up. Oh well.

At least we managed to clean the house yesterday for the first day of spring. It felt nice having the music blaring, all the windows open, and just rocking out while cleaning. I swear that’s my favorite thing about spring. Quite sad, ain’t it? Now the weekend is practically over and back to the daily grind tomorrow. I hate mondays. Especially after having 3 days off.

Tonight we’re going to a chinese restaurant for dinner. How the hell is my diet supposed to fare there?? Oh well…the book says you can splurge every once in awhile and as long as you get back up on that horse the next meal it wont be the end of the world. Let’s hope for the best.

{March 19, 2010}   Day 1

I guess today is the beginning of the rest of my life. Not like my life hasn’t begun yet but it’s really time for some serious changes. I turned 26 in January and find myself, yet again, at my heaviest adult weight. The last time I weighed this much (which I will reveal to you is 199lbs) I overhauled my life and began eating healthier, went to the gym like crazy (I lived off-campus with the school gym being 2 minutes walking distance), not to mention all the stress pharmacy school put on me that at a point I lived on granola bars (yeah, that’ll definitely make you lose weight).

I lost roughly 50lbs and then over the past 4 years have gained those 50lbs back. Could be that combination of graduating from college and into a work force where I’m lucky if I even have 2 seconds to put food in my mouth much less eat healthy and also being in a steady relationship turned marriage during which almost everyone one gains weight. The hubby gained a good 15lbs since we began dating too. Point still being that I am somewhere that I promised myself I would never be again; teetering towards hitting 200lbs. Being that I have PCOS makes the matter much worse.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is a condition that affects anywhere from 5-10% of women. Estimates are that varied because diagnosis is hard to come by as every woman who has it doesn’t always exhibit all the symptoms. One of the biggest problem with PCOS is there is a higher than average level of testosterone in the body than should be. This causes such things as no ovulation (eggs don’t get produced in the ovaries which equals to a very difficult time getting pregnant if at all), cysts in the ovaries, being overweight especially in the mid-section, male pattern baldness, excess hair where hair should not be a woman, skin tags, and insulin resistance to name a few. And a lot of women with PCOS have a high tendency to develop heart disease, high cholesterol level and diabetes. Again, not everyone with PCOS will experience all of these.

So being that PCOS is already predisposing me to being overweight without me even trying, I need a plan of attack. A PCOS woman could go on the same exact diet as someone without and barely lose 2lbs while the other woman loses 10lbs. That’s the hard part. You can cut back all your calories until you’re eating nothing and you’d still be overweight. That’s where my current situation has led me. So after doing much research, Googling and Amazoning, I bought the book “The Insulin-Resistance Diet:  How to Turn Off Your Body’s Fat-Making Machine” by:  Cheryle Hart  and Mary Kay Grossman. I have read chapter 1 and began the first couple pages of chapter 2. So far it seems deceptively simple but the authors did promise that it wouldn’t be hard to follow. Whether or not it will work we shall just have to see.

So welcome to the journey that is my life. From the ups to the downs, good and bad, wherever life shall take me. Let’s enjoy the ride together.

The Insulin-Resistance Diet–Revised and Updated: How to Turn Off Your Body’s Fat-Making Machine

et cetera